How Much To Play

As a stay-home mom, how much should you play with your never-satisfying toddler? If it's up to him, he's going to want to play with you all his waking hours. Besides cooking, eating, cleaning, and other necessities, how much quality time should you devote to playing with him? It's particularly hard when you have a home business where you have deadlines to meet. In order to be effective, you really have to have 2-3 solid focus working hours at a sitting. After putting him to nap, and by the time you settle in your desk, you have maybe an hour or so at most - that is if you don't need to prepare for this evening's dinner.

I've struggled back and forth between days. There are days when I hardly play with him and feel bad having to push him away to play by himself, which is in itself a major challenge. Then when you see your toddler clinging on to you and whatever that you're doing so eagerly, how hard of a heart you must have to shut him out. Besides, he really doesn't have that many years where he sought you complete attention as these toddler years. You will miss this forever-clinging years in the future when he has his own interests and his own time and space.

Today he's been totally crawling and pulling on my stuff that I try putting on a barrier hoping that he can play by himself outside my work area while he can see me and I can see him. First thing is that these portable pressure barrier can't really take the persistent and consistent pressure of an insisting toddler. It falls down twice within 10 minutes. Second is that the poor baby on the other side of the fence will go play by himself on his various favorite toys for about 2 minute, and keeps coming back with a pleading face, saying 'Mama, come down, Mama, come down.' and 'Mama, play cars, play cars.' I don't know where he got the "down" part, but for sure he knows that he's being shut out, almost like a punishment. I promise I won't do that again.

However, for practical reasons, you still need to find a "balance" or realistically, more of a "compromise". There is really no simple black-and-white answer to this question. As for me, I'd rather not regret his toddler years which is NEVER, EVER, going to come back. (Gee... I'm already missing it now.) I would do these:

1. If you can't make dinner, you can't make dinner. Do take-outs. Make larger portions and reheat the next time.
2. Try to let him fall asleep by himself as much as possible during the day. For my toddler, he's now gotten used to falling asleep by himself in day time, but not so much at night time. At least this gives you an extra 30 minutes or so during the day after you put him down to sleep.
3. Get to your work as soon as you get down to your desk. You aren't getting paid by the day as when you're in the office any more! Minimize non-essential chit-chat.
4. Try to entertain him verbally and intermittently and have him play around you when you're working at your desk. I know sometimes it's hard when he keeps climbing onto you stuff... but as much as you can.
5. Play doodle with him so he can sit next to you and draw, and with luck, you may still be 30% productive.
6. Get a baby sitter on your real hard deadlines! That's better than shutting him out to himself alone.

Hope we can find a spot where we can all be comfortable with and not regret. Go, go, go, mama!